Except, of course, I have to work from 2-5. I think I spend more time dreading going to work than I spend time actually working. I wonder if that counts as overtime?
Let me just get this off my chest: I think I hate children. I didn't used to. I used to be like, "Maybe someday I'll have some kids!" Then it was like, "Eh, I don't really want to make my body any worse than it is or spend money on other people so probably no kids for me, but hey! Yours are cute and awesome!" And now it's like, "Could you please remove that...thing from my vicinity? Mucho appreciato." Believe me, I'm just as disgusted with myself as you are. I mean, I was a child myself! My parents had children and I don't look down on them! If not for children the whole human race would crumble! Er, I don't know if I would even care about that really, since I wouldn't be here anyway. I don't MEAN to get all judgey about children. I swear. It's just, every time my common-law nephew comes over I start heading for the butcher knife and thinking of ways to mess up my anatomy and render it useless. The child-havers among you will probably say, "Oh when it's your kid it's different!" And that's what scares me the most, man. If I ever turn into one of those people who doesn't even notice their kid has ruined the entire restaurant's evening KILL ME. Seriously.
And I know this is not a new thing, but for me it is, and I want to just get it said and be done with it. I know YOU think your 7-month old is cool as shit and he totally changed your life. But I don't care about him that much. I care about YOU. When I say daylight savings time blows because we lose an hour, I don't give a shit that it's soooo muuuuch harder for parents. I get it! When you have a baby you have to get up early! They change your life! OMGGGG. I get it! That's why I DO NOT HAVE ONE OF THOSE. Also you had him on purpose, so I'm pretty sure you saw this one coming. It's like hearing those people who climb Mt Everest bitching about how hard it is. Um yeah, it probably is. Why the fuck did you sign up to do it if not to experience how hard it is? Believe me, I'd be the complainingest motherfucker on that mountain if I were climbing it. But that's exactly why I'm not signing up for that shit. God.
Oh and neat! It's raining again! I was hoping I would get to mop the dirt and leaf particles off the floor five more times this weekend, so...WISH GRANTED. Thanks nature!
No, I know. It's time to smoke a bowl. I'm going now.
No comments:
Post a Comment